Creative Slumps, Pandemic Depression, and More, Oh My.

Hi there, it’s been awhile I know. The last couple of months have been a tough one for me creatively. I have not felt inspired to make new recipes or content and doing all the work that goes into one recipe can sometimes be daunting. I have heard of this happening for a lot of creators, just because of everything going on in the world and all it takes to keep up on content.

My anxiety and depression have been showing its ugly head also over the last couple of months as well. The two issues clearly go hand and hand, and I am working to change both for the positive. Between meditation, working out, and journaling I am slowly getting out of this funk I have been in. It’s hard to want to cook and make content when you don’t want to get out of bed.

Between my uncle Mark dying of Covid last August and this Pandemic that forever changed the lives of everyone, it was only a matter of time before I hit my breaking point. My uncle Mark was like a second dad to me, and we lost him so quickly and aggressively, it was traumatic. Not being able to say goodbye to him has haunted me more than it should. He has come to me in my dreams twice to tell me he is okay and he is happy which helps some. I still burst into tears sometimes, especially when I meet someone that reminds me of him. I know how important therapy is as well, and I am working to find a new one here in town I can see. I have always found them to be helpful whenever I go to one and look forward to that. Like a lot of people, I tend to go inside and close myself off from others instead of asking for help. I want to believe whatever I am going through will just pass, but that’s not always the case. With my ADHD, anxiety and depression, most times I need to get help in some form otherwise my issues only fester. I know there is nothing wrong with getting help, I just need to get better about asking for it.

I also am starting to think I have something called Imposter Syndrome. Imposter syndrome is loosely defined as doubting your abilities and feeling like a fraud or phony. Here I was blogging about healthy living and posting plant based recipes, all the while I was not taking care of myself like I should. Not eating right, drinking more alcohol than I should be on a regular basis, and not even attempting to workout. People would rave about my blog and Instagram and all I was posting about, and all the while I was only posting to stay relevant and on the algorithm. Keeping up with the Joneses is huge in the social media world, and it’s hard to not compare yourself to other people in your niche. It started to take a real toll on my mental health, and it made posting more of a chore over being fun. I started my blog because so many vegans and non-vegans reached out and commented on my Instagram that I should share my recipes and knowledge with others. I hate how I lost that love, passion, and drive for sharing my recipes and content with others and am working hard to get back to the way I was before.

Lastly, I rejoined Weight Watchers (WW) again three weeks ago. I joined it like ten years ago at this point, and I lost 65 pounds. Over the years and life being life, I gained it back. When I became vegan, I quickly realized that being vegan doesn’t necessarily mean healthy eating. Oreos are vegan but are definitely not good for you. I had gotten used to having a drink or two after work, then air fried something easy (and usually unhealthy) because I didn’t have the energy to make something healthy from scratch. I got off at nine at night, so I ended up drinking and eating late and it started to add up quick. My coworker is currently doing WW with his girlfriend, and we had a long talk about the program one day at work. I left work that day thinking about how successful I had been the first time around, and now I was working on other elements in my life that are also effecting my health and well-being. So far after three weeks, I am down ten pounds and feeling great. On average I am getting around 15,000 steps a day at work, and I am doing strength training and weightlifting 5-6 days a week. I have been quickly reminded over the last couple of weeks how critical working out is for my mental health. I am waking up more energized and am ready to tackle the day after a workout. I am feeling stronger physically and in turn feel better mentally. My neighbor and her friend also joined so we are in a group chat together to help keep each other accountable which is great. I am also currently working on updating some of my favorite recipes on the blog to be healthier. I have been eating a lot of tofu and revamped my tofu egg salad recipe yesterday. I will share that with you tomorrow. With the new WW program, everyone’s points are specific to them, so this recipe is only one point for me. Depending on your plan, my updated recipes might be a different points value for you. I will list the points for each updated recipe for myself, so you have it as a gauge. I will also include the link to the recipe I created in the WW app so you can click on it and track it for yourself if you are also doing WW.

At the beginning of this year, I had several signs that 2022 is going to be the year things in my life take off. I started out with a strong sense of what I wanted to accomplish and was working hard towards something when my depression hit. I am looking forward to getting out of this funk and back to what I had planned for this year. I recently saw a tarot reader say that you are the only thing holding you back from what you have planned for yourself. If you want it badly enough and work for it, it’ll come to fruition for you. I know this seems obvious, but I saw that video right when I needed to hear it, and now I’m here writing you this blog today.

This blog was a scary one to write because it’s me being forced to be honest with my followers and with myself. I don’t like being vulnerable, but I think I needed to share all this with others to hold myself accountable. I also wanted to be transparent about my struggles, so people know they aren’t alone in all the feelings.  

Thank you for listening to me and letting me get all this off my chest. I hope I can move forward and get these creative vibes going again because I’ve missed it. I’m excited to see what the rest of this year has to offer, and I can’t wait to be able to look back at this and see how far I have come.

Thanks for reading,

Jessica